Thursday, May 28, 2009

A bit of rambling...

I was so blessed by a blogsite that I happened upon today, and it really compelled me to share my own journey. I do have another blog that is specific to my health problems (, but there have been so many times when I just wanted to talk about other stuff and felt that wasn't the place. So, here I am...adding just one more thing to keep me from doing the things I should be doing! I think it will be good, however, and maybe even therapeutic for me to talk about my faith, parenting, and just generalities of everyday living.

I enjoy so many things that I want to talk about! I love camping, gardening, baseball, facebooking, and spending time with my family - especially my husband. The Lord has blessed me with all of these things! How awesome is He!

Today, I would like to share more about my faith and who I am through Christ.

Several times during my life Christ reached out to me, yet I kept pushing Him away. It started when I was in about the third grade. My parents didn't go to church, but my maternal grandmother did. She lived two houses away from us, and when I was about nine, she asked me if I'd like to go to church with her. It was a Lutheran church, and I began to go often with Grandma. By the time I was in sixth grade, I was so enamoured with the church as well as the pastors that I found myself getting involved in everything I could. I just kept wanting more and more. By the time I was in tenth grade I had taught Sunday School, Vacation Bible School, sang in the choir, acolyted, was president of the youth group, and kept trying to find things to fill the void I had in my life. I was in the right place, but I was looking for the wrong thing. I was looking for my self-worth...I was looking for the glory of me. During these years at this Lutheran church I kept hiding the fact that I wasn't a believer. It was easy to do with all of the ways I could 'look' like the perfect Christian in other's eyes. But I wasn't fooling God. And I knew it.

When I turned 16 I got a job. I started looking for ways at my job to fill the void the church couldn't. I stopped going to church and found hours at work that would justify my not going. I was never able to fill the void at work, either. I started hanging out with friends on the weekends to see what trouble I could get into, although I wasn't very good at getting into trouble. I know now that the Lord was watching over me to keep me safe and pure for Him. After graduation I moved out of my parents' house. I worked for about two years, then decided I needed to go to college. I wanted to do something with my life besides my current job since it wasn't filling my needs either. College was okay, but extremely hard. I kept busy still working my regular job, going to school, and doing work study. I also found out that I had a learning disability, which made sense since I struggled through school and college. During this time I met a very special man who soon became my husband. We met in April of 1994, and we were married by the fall of 1995. Jeff found a job
a few months before we got married in a town 3 1/2 hours from our home town, and we jumped at the chance of starting fresh. Our first years of married life were good. We considered finding a home church, and even attended a Lutheran church a few times that one of my former pastors was at. Jeff grew up Catholic, but we didn't consider any Catholic churches. We didn't stay at that particular Lutheran church - we didn't feel comfortable with them having a female associate pastor, but didn't really understand the reasons why. Some of Jeff's college friends we started spending time with became very instrumental at this point in leading us to the cross. They gently and lovingly shared the gospel with us several times. They even bought us a Bible. Yet we still didn't get it.

Jeff's dad at this time was diagnosed with non-hodgkins lymphoma. We made several trips to see him in the hospital. I started praying during this time that God would make him well.

In 1998 I became pregnant with our first child. We were so excited. It was such good news as we saw Jeff's dad's health detoriating. Jeff's dad was happy about the news since it would be his first grandchild. At twelve weeks I miscarried. Two days later Jeff's dad passed away. I was so confused and could God do this when I had been praying? It was hard to understand. Jeff not only lost his first child, but his dad as well. Six months later Jeff's cousin, who was about his age, died suddenly. Things just kept getting worse it seemed, and I stopped praying.

In 1999, I became pregnant again. This time the pregnancy went full term, and our daughter was born in early October. We were overjoyed. Two months later, Jeff's paternal grandmother passed away. We still had questions, but didn't understand. Jeff's college friends became such dear friends by then, and they continued to show us love and hope in Christ. We were starting to get it, but it was still a long steep hill we were climbing. We started attending a small Bible church the spring of 2000, but it wasn't until 2001, after our second child was born, that I understood the life-saving gift of Christ. After a bitter argument
about the Bible with a young man who was selling magazines door to door, I got on my knees and I prayed. I prayed hard. That night I prayed again, and it was then that I knew I had been forgiven and that my journey in Christ had just begun.

Nine years later I still feel like a baby Christian, but I am growing. My walk has been sidetracked by health problems several times, but I keep coming back. Our family now attends a Baptist affiliated community church - the teaching is meaty, and I am being filled with spiritual truths - more than I could ever imagine. I have been blessed by His grip on me, and I am so thankful the Lord hung in there with me and kept me on a path for His glory, and not my own.


  1. I love it that God doesn't accept the word, 'no' -- He keeps reaching for us, trying to catch us.

  2. It brings such peace knowing that He is always with us, even if we "walk" away from Him. Thank you for sharing. Blessings!